blue flamingos

Five people Sam wishes she could have fallen in love with

Fandom: Stargate SG1

Category/Rated: Slash, PG-13

Year/Length: 2009/~455 words

Pairing: Sam/Vala

Disclaimer: No, I don't own them, for which I should think they're profoundly grateful.

Feedback: Yes please. Even if it's bad. Especially if it's bad.



Cam, when she first met him and he was full of enthusiasm and drive, behaved like a gentleman and treated her like an air force officer. It wasn't hard at all to imagine dating him, marrying him, home and kids and maybe a dog. She told him once, any woman would be lucky to have you, and really, really meant it. But whatever she'd needed for any woman to be her, it wasn't there.


Daniel, when he was starting to get over Sha're dying, starting to think about possibly dating someone. She wasn't afraid to admit, to herself at least, that she was terrified of someone hurting him. Terrified of someone ending up meaning more to him than the team and the stargate program and the mission did. She did love him, as a friend, as a team-mate, but they'd been too close for too long, and she just couldn't make it tip over into something more.


Janet, when she said she was going to adopt Cassie. It was Sam who bonded with Cassie, at first, not Janet, Sam who wanted to keep her on Earth and make her safe, but Sam was on a gate-team, couldn't do it. She would have built that life with Janet and Cassie, been a family in secret, behind closed doors. She would even have done it while she wasn't in love with Janet, except that while she could maybe give up her own romantic happiness, she couldn't make Janet give up hers too. She wondered, at Janet's funeral, if maybe she wouldn't have had to, with a bit more time, if maybe she could have fallen after all.


Teal'c, when he said that he was leaving Earth and the SGC, to give all his energy to the Jaffa nation, which needed him so badly. She'd wondered, sometimes, if he ever really felt a bond to Earth, beyond that of the team, or if he'd always been there because it was where he had to be. Saying goodbye, she wondered if maybe that kind of bond, to one person, would have been enough to keep him from leaving, in the end.


Vala, when she realized they'd been sleeping together for six months in a bid to find comfort out of what – who – they couldn't have. When she realized, a couple of months later, that only one of them was still doing it for the comfort, while the other was doing it out of something real, something deeper and stronger, and that the person who was doing it for real wasn't her.

And that, even though she wasn't in love, still thought of Jack more than she thought of Vala, she didn't want to stop.

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